tetiba rase nak blogg

dah lame gilerr tak blog..lame lame lame sangat....dkat setahun kan???.....tapi malam ni tak tau laa pesal rase nak memblog lak...sebab rase tak puas hati yang tak tau nak curah kat mane kott??...hmmm...furthermore prasan tak im blogging in malay?..which yang tak penah penah watt before this...nie memang nak luah perasaan btul btul laa rasee.....sebab tau jer tak de orang pun nak terbace blog nie..so...tak kisah laa ape pun yang tertulis kat sinih....rase sangat hina dan berdosa...bleyy tak?...memang dah slame ni pun banyak jer buat dosa...tapi skrg macam tgh peringkat kesedaran kott..hehehe...nnt one two days lupe laa nie....aiiyyooo..ape laa nak jadik ngn saye nie ek??....so...saye nak state disini ape yang saye tak puas hati...tadi evening pegi middle eastern night..so as iwas told ade belly dancing nyerr show..tp tade laa nk pegi pun asalnye..tapi dah diajak so...why not..time pegi tu okay lagi laa..ske jer hepi jer sume...dapat jumpe boyfren saye sangat saye sayang tue...tak pnah puas klu dapat jumpe dia...hehehe..so truk laa of me...and then borak borak tgk dia makan..gurau gurau skeet..pastuh belly dancer pun tetibe stat wat show...the music was i admit it...memang melalaikan laa..menarik jugak for me to tap tap shoe..but the moment tgk orang stat gather tengok all those girls menari and gelek gelek kat depan tu...ade satu rase dalam hati...tak tau nak explain camne..tapi rase hina...as a girl..saye terase hina....pastuh tambah tambah plak ngn boys yang duduk semeja tetiba cam jadik sangat teruja as i may say...berdiri dengan smangatnye nak tengok those girls gelek...hmmm...lebey lebey lagi terase bile boyfren sendri yang duduk kat sebelah pun bangun and nak pegi amik gambar....bukan nak kate jealous...tapi tipu laa kan kalu kate tak jealous...memang ade laa rase jealous..tapi that i have to deal with myself laa kan...sebab saye sedar saye nie memang kuat jealous pun..itu takpe...i'll take care of my feelings...tapi lebey terasa sebab rase macam hilang respect...bleyy ke nak kate camtu?..salah ke klu terase camtu??...klu salah...im really sorry sayang...bukan snegaja nak rase camtu..bukan sengaja nak terasa ngan sayang....tapi ..tak tau laa....sayang...im really sorry klu sayang rase cam im too emotional...memang tak patut kot...tapi ntah.....rase cam my dignity kne take away camtu jer..say that im dramatic ke..lebey lebey ke...maybe laa kot...tapi dah terase camtu...sebab tu laa tgh blogg nie...hmmm...so..sebab dah tak tahan...kuar jer dari room tu duduk kat luar..so..dari luar bley laa nmpk kegilaan mnsia mnsia kat dalam tue...and then tetiba datang kat mind...klu rasulullah tau mesti dia marahkan kat umat dia?..agaknye sebab tue laa dia asyik mention ummati ummati ummati jer time nk wafat...tapi..kite tak sedar pun....automatically air mata mengalir...sooo emotional of me laaa...hmmm...ntah pape....pastuh trase time tu..harga diri wanita telah dipijak pijak camtuh jer..rase cam lebey hina dari ayam laga agi....orang kerumun tgk camtuh..sambil wat bende tak senonoh camtu....at least ayam tade akal...and at the same time tue laa jugak terdatang fikir pasal wat i did...kesalahan diri sendri yang slame memang dah sedar..tapi susah nak ubah...time tu rase diri nie even though tak menari nari camtu kat depan orang...tapi rase same hina jer ngna derang...camne saye leyh sampai ke tahap camtu???......ya Allah....tolonglaah selamatkan hambaMu ini ya Allah....bawak aku keluar dari dunia yang menghanyutkan nie....bawalah aku lebey dekat padaMu....lebey terasa hampir denganMu...terasa kasih sayangMu..sebab tue laa paling penting untuk hambaMu ini didunia dan akhirat...redha dan rahmatMu....ya Allah...selamatkan hamba-hambaMu..keluarkan kami dari kegelapan....berilah kami taufiq dan hidayahMu ....amin~~~....alhamdulillah..terasa lega....matlamat tercapai....cite end disini insyaAllah....sape sape pun tak tau...better this way i think aite???....^_^

FIGHTING THE FEELINGS.....

These are the pictures of my new friends and me at the International Airport in 'Bumi Malaysia' for the last time. It was so sad at that time...I was overwhelmed..I miss my parents..my family...my friends too...there is too many people that I miss...if I continue to think about it....I won't last long..therefore..I'll only think about my future...I'll struggle my best and always remember Allah of course...that always works!! ;D. It has been almost 3 months since I blogged..that's a record...As some of you may have known...I'm now in the States..yup..United State of America....for what purpose?...to study of course...it is shocking...honestly..I have never pictured myself studying in America...I've only imagine myself studying in UK Australia or New Zealand and even Korea..and of course in Malaysia itself....but this is insane!!..I'm in the USA!!!...how cool is that?.....but now it is okay....having been living here for the past 11 days, I think I have adapted myself well ....hihihi...for the first two days I was here, it was really tiring because I have to avoid thinking of my family back home when that's the only thing that keep lingering in my mind......At the same time, it was hard for me to adapt to this place...not physically of course..mentally....I missed my family so much!!...especially my parents...who doesn't...at the airport I tried my best to stay away from tears..but alas....I lost...I cried...at first it was just the red eyes...but soon when I was far from my parents, I did cry a lot....I think I was the worst among them...hahaha....but for me it is okay to cry..... I guess...eventhough I hate crying s much....and for the first two days in the University I cried a lot too..everytime I was alone, I'll be thinking of my parents...everytime I'm in my room I think of my family...everytime I walk alone, I think of my friends...owh how tiring it was!!!...I can't look at my photo album at all...it was lying there by my bed..waiting to be opened..I was really afraid that I'll cry again if I saw pictures of people that I love.... for a week I stayed away from it and will only go to my room when I was really tired and sleepy....other times I would stay at the lobby and hang out with my friends...but NOW!!!...hahahaha!!!...I can SURVIVE!!!....I can control my feelings better even when now or then the feeling is back and when chatting with them it was really sad..I don't cry anymore....^____^.......till next time...more pictures to come...promise!!!\/,,

Sharing....

The true reason for me to blog is just to update my blog....hehehe..it had been days since I blogged. And while thinking of what to write I thought of many things actually- posting family pictures or telling that I failed my driving test...^_^ or even sharing that my borther's getting married...or even the most incredible news I recieved today, he asked for my phone number...yup..he did...I couldn't believe this..I never had thought that he would even asked about me...I'm the happiest person alive!!!.....but then...I decided to share this e-mail my friends sent it to me...thanx...credit goes to Siti n Azreen....thanx guys!

(we may have already read this e-mail...but still...let's share!)

Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
Sesuatu yang anda tidak perasan atau tidak terfikir langsung....

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
Sekurang-kurangnya ada 5 orang dalam dunia ini menyayangi anda dan sanggup mati kerana anda.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
Sekurang-kurangnya ada 15 orang dalam dunia ini menyayangi anda dalambeberapa cara.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
Sebab utama seseorang membenci anda adalah kerana dia ingin menjadi seperti anda.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
Senyuman daripada anda boleh membawa kebahagiaan kepada seseorang,walaupun dia tidak menyukai anda.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
Setiap malam ada seseorang mengingati anda sebelum dia tidur.

6. You mean the world to someone.
Anda amat bermakna dalam hidup seseorang.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
Kalau bukan kerana anda, seseorang itu tidak akan hidup bahagia.

8. You are special and unique.
Anda seorang yang istimewa dan unik.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
Seseorang yang anda tidak ketahui menyayangi anda.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
Apabila anda membuat kesilapan yang sangat besar, ada hikmahdisebaliknya.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
Sekiranya anda merasakan anda dipinggirkan, fikirlah semula; mungkin anda yang meminggirkan mereka.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
Apabila anda terfikir anda tidak mempunyai peluang untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang anda ingini, mungkin anda tidak akan memperolehinya,tetapi sekiranya anda percaya pada diri sendiri lambat-laun anda akanmemperolehinya.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
Kenangilah segala pujian yang anda terima. Lupakan segala maki hamun, caci & cela.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
Jangan takut untuk meluahkan perasaan anda; anda akan merasa senang bila seseorang mengetahuinya.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
Sekiranya anda mempunyai sahabat baik, ambillah masa untuk memberitahunya yang dia adalah yang terbaik.

A Minute.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it alsoto the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends. Take the time... to live and love.Send this letter to all the people you care about, Including the person who sent this to you. If you do so, You will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life, for the better...^_^

Wealth, Success or Love?

This question was pop up by my teacher (she has inspired me in many ways..and made me believe in myself more..thank you teacher Shaz!!) one day and she asked each and everyone of us which one we prefered..most of them chose success (maybe it was related to succeeding in SPM..who knows)..but of course, I remain as the minority that chooses love above all (cewah!!..)..fyi, in my class there was only three of us that chose love....then she gave out this other beautiful story......so before you read this story..answer the above question honestly..dont cheat!!...enjoy !!..^_^

Love, Wealth, and Success

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sittingin her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I knowyou, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat." They asked, "Is your husband home?""No", she replied. "He's out." "Then we cannot come in", they replied.. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in" "We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she asked. One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one ofhis friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love."Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you wantin your home." The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed."How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let himcome and fill our home with wealth!" His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Ourhome will then be filled with love!" "Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest." The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Pleasecome in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up andfollowed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invitedLove, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the othertwo of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, wego with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

A Twist of Fate and A Chain of Love....

I was browsing around looking for stories that can give us some lessons in life..kind of like the "Online Chicken Soup for the Souls"..hihihi...back to the story, while looking around, I thought to myself..'how wonderful it would be if I found the story that my teacher used in class last year..it was so beautiful'....and to my delightful surprise, or may I say, a twist of fate, the first story I stumble into was the exact same story...wow!!...Alhamdulillah!!..Allah had made it easy for me today....so...here it goes..the story entitled.."A Chain of Love"....read it... feel it..then let us practise it in our live!!!....

A Chain of Love

"He was driving home one evening, on a two-lane country road. Work, in this small mid-western community, was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac. But he never quit looking. Ever since the Levis factory closed, he'd been unemployed, and with winter raging on, the chill had finally hit home.
It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill. But he stayed on. After all, this was where he buried his mother and father. He was born here and knew the country.
He could go down this road blind, and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working, that came in handy. It was starting to get dark and light snow flurries were coming down. He'd better get a move on.
You know, he almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe, he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill that only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you m'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm. By theway, my name is Joe."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough Joe crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down her window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Joe just smiled as he closed her trunk.
She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been alright with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Joe never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give thatperson the assistance that they needed, and Joe added "...and think of me".
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out of work actor, it didn't ring much.
Her waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Joe.
After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get her change from a hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on a napkin. There were tears in her eyes, when she read what the lady wrote. It said, "You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too. Someone once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here's what you do. Don't let the chain of love end with you."
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could she have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be alright, I love you Joe."

MAYBE...

This song caught my attention the first time I heard it..plus with very beautiful clip while watching it...the soothing voice and sweet melody swept away my breathe...the words resound in my head...and the meaning touched my heart...::sigh::..

Dont really have anything to write actually...just wanted to share this beautiful song here....enjoy!!^_^

King::Maybe

There I was
Waiting for a chance
Hoping that you'll understand
The things I wanna say

As my love went stronger than before
I wanna see you more and more
But you closed your door
Why don't you try
To open up your heart
I won't take so much of your time

Maybe, it's wrong to say please love me too
'Coz I know you'll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day
'Coz I know he's here to stay
But I know to whom you should belong

I believed what you said to me
We should set each other free
That's how you want it to be
But my love went stronger than before
I wanna see you more and more
But you closed your door
Why don't you try to open up your heart
I won't take so much of your time

Maybe, it's wrong to say please love me too
'Coz I know you'll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day
'Coz I know he's here to stay
But my love is strong
I don't know if this is wrong
But I know to whom you should belong....

this song really remind of the person I like....but its not the same situation..this song is from a man to a woman and Im a she and he's a he...its a lot of diffrent here...and also..in this song, the hero is brave enough to show that he loves her...but me..NO..Im to afraid to to be friends with him what more to show him that I like him....am I afraid?..or just waiting for the right person to be brave and bear with the humiliation...or waiting for the right moment to admit my feelings?...I'll just leave the matter here..after all..Im only 17...Im still young to be drowned in this dreamy thoughts!!!...^_^

Triple H(Hectic,Havoc and Happening!!)

That's all I can say about my life for the past fortnight!...My last post was very worrying and sad..at that moment all I can think about was about my result and honestly saying..I didnt sleep mch that night....

But Alhamdulillah...the result was great...eventhough I didnt get any straight A1s...and not 17 subjects...but still I manage to achieve 12As..11A1s and 1A2 for history..^_^....Even most of my teachers said 'Rugilah...satu je lagi..kalau tak dah masuk paper nama awak tue..!!'..but as for me..I'm really relieved for not making it into the papers...and initially my target was never to be mentioned in any media and even now I never regreted it...plus I'm contented.

And about choosing what course I wanted to venture in?..the question became lighter and more visible for me to see the answer....and thus I resulted in choosing biomedical engineering as my main course and medical as the second choise..and now I'm only left to pray for the best....

Since the result was out, I havent spent much time at home...I was out window shopping with family and friends...going to school to get some of my certificate legitimated by the school and searching for my present....hehehe...

I was feeling kind of lazy to update my blog and changing the layout as the space seems to be too small for what Im writting..^_^...but for the sake of people who might read this blog(ade ke??) I will still update it from time to time but not as often as before..maybe I'll be changing the layout soon..within this week I hope if Im not so lazy an dwill be posting some pictures of me and everything!!!Wait and SEE!!

What Do You Wanna Be When You Grow Up?

This question is very synonym to everyone even at a very tender age of 5..I've allways had people asking me this question and remembered how easy was it for me to answer it..'Adik nak jadi doktor sakit puan'..or Adik nak jadi arkitek'..or even ..'Adik nak jadi model'...yeah...that was the answer to the question..how simple was it then...and as time goes by the ambiton changes..from being a fashion designer to the prime minister or from being a painter to an engineer..how easy...the stages of growing up..how fun living life without worries....I miss my childhood soo much...especially at time like this....

Tomorrow is the day...yup...its here..but its not everything..whatever the result is I only hope I wont dissapoint any one I care the most and most importantly I wont break the hearts of my love ones..I would rather run away than facing the sad face of the person I love most..but I know running away isnt going to help solve any problem...

But today..this is the hardest question I have to answer...harder than the SPM questions...really I have to admit that Im scared of making the wrong decision and path in life...so after taking in considerations and comparing between choices I had, I have choosen to explore mor eabout Biomedical Engineering...hope this is the right decision....and so I pray..Oh Allah..help your servant..show me the right path..tha path that I wont regret choosing..the right path that will take me closer to You ..the right path that will make Islam a respected religion again....the path that will give me contentment and make the people I love very dearly and hold close to my heart very happy..~Amin~....^_^